It’s Good To Talk

I’ve seen a lot of blogposts about advice people would give retrospectively to their NQT selves. This is always massively useful as a NQT as it’s great to see that other people have gone before and had the same issues and struggles as I have. Why wouldn’t you want advice from others?

Last half term, I was all about the positives. This term, less so. This term has been hard graft. Emotionally and intellectually draining, the honeymoon period has ended.

The one thing I’ve noticed in conversations with other NQTs is that lots of us don’t like the teachers that we’re becoming. Lots of us don’t like the people we’re becoming.

These simple statements should not be whispered in the dark corner of a pub. They should be shouted in staff rooms.

Others have waxed lyrical about the problems of wellbeing and retention for those new to teaching with more eloquence than I could, but those two simple ideas worry me.

Is the fact lots of us feel like this a symptom of a broken system, or just a natural part of the journey towards being a fully inducted teacher? How would we know? These difficult conversations are met with ‘it gets easier’, or ‘but you’re doing really well’.

Some days I wonder how I could possibly do anything else and some days I wonder if I’ll make it to Easter.

I don’t think these concerns are a problem, or even indicative of my ability to hack it as teacher, but instead just an expression of the massive difference between training and the NQT year. I went from being engaged with other teachers and discussing my practice daily to being left with it. Development as a NQT works incredibly differently.

If I didn’t have the support of a fantastic department where I am now, I would not be in this job.

This summer, I must have anticipated the grind of school in this first term, when the novelty’s gone and the nights have drawn in, as I sent myself an email to be delivered in December. Instead of giving advice to my NQT self in the past, I did it the other way around and sent advice forward.

You go on a website, type away, and select a date. Naturally, I chose three weeks before the end of term, where the end isn’t quite in sight, but I am still pretty exhausted.

Ayup. So it’s summer and you’re bored. I’ll just let that sink in. You probably reckon you’ve changed beyond recognition, but you’re doing fine. You ant changed that much duck. Please don’t have messed up moving to London. Enjoy it. You’re sat on a Sunday August afternoon looking at resources for crying out loud. The feeling of being in the classroom and witnessing knowledge being acquired, and sharing it, is incredible. Do not lose sight of that. Stick to your guns, and keep being a gobshite. This first term is about survival. You’ve got this.

When I read this all the rubbish kind of dropped away. I have been a teacher for three months. I need to cut myself some slack. Nobody else is going to. That is my responsibility.

A few weeks ago, on twitter, I had a bit of a moan about how much stuff I had to do and how I’m struggling to prioritise, and after a quick natter, I realised that it was incredibly simple.

“If I were one of my pupils, what would I need me to do?”

If this isn’t my priority, I might as well not be there. All the rammel just sort of sorted itself out, and I was much more content and confident. My priorities were back on track.

Getting it all out and having a proper discussion when things are difficult is the only way I can hope to crack a problem. Thoughts are messy. When we vocalise them, or write them down, they become much clearer, more manageable and easier to deal with.

Do I still worry about the teacher I’m becoming? Absolutely.

Do I feel better for acknowledging it and facing it head on as opposed to burying my head in the sand about it? Too right I do.

“Drains are those who hate what they do, and suck the life out of you if you stand too close, whereas radiators radiate with enthusiasm for their jobs. Stay away from drains. Be a radiator.”

You hear this metaphor loads as a trainee and NQT. As quite a sardonic person, I find the idea that teachers can all be split into these two aspects of plumbing a bit ridiculous, as even those hallowed observation grades have 4 categories.

The idea of being a drain or radiator is too simplistic and shuts down discussion. Any open, honest conversation helps, be it over a blog or social media, in the pub with others in your position, or with the amazing department you work in.

I’m incredibly lucky to have all three to help me get better, and as term comes to an end, it’s been this that’s allowed me to not just survive, but actually enjoy it too.

“You’re a bit of a drain you, aren’t you?”

Yeah, you could see it like that. Personally, I think I’m more of a vent. A vent that’s trying to develop a pretty decent crap filter.